I want to be able to look back years from now and recall every single soul that has ever been kind enough to grace me with their friendship .
However that will prove to be a difficult task as there were simply just so many people that has come and gone through my life , leaving behind memories of sheer joy , continuous laughter and most inevitably , sorrow .
I cannot deny the absolute fact that the happiness I've shared with my friends of all shapes and sizes , has brought upon me countless joy and untold surprises ; experiences that were perfectly pure and absolutely wonderous to behold .
Therefore , even though my life with them has already marked its end for the sake of liberating myself from this suffering , I dare not forget the ones who literally , provided me a reason to stay put in this life ; the ones who gave me continuously gave me hope .
Indeed I truly feel their unquestionable care and support for me that has lifted my spirits up . Motivating me to look at the better , and more precious things in life . However , it is my somewhat shameful psychological flaw that has cursed me to carry out this unloyal deed of forgetting them all .
But know this ; I have never found this path that I have am forced to choose simple nor satisfactory . I feel the greatest displeasure in me for doing such a heinous and outrageous action . A morally bankrupt move , so to speak .
But it had to be done .
Ever since I was 11 years old , I knew of a bro who would soon become the closest friend of mine that I've ever come to know .
Many has come and gone by ; but little did I imagine that this particular friend of mine would remain as loyal as his is today as he was then . I called him , Bert .
You see , Albert was no ordinary friend . I considered him the little brother I never had .
We were indeed close friends , as he would share his problems with me , may it be about life or love . And of course , he does the exact same thing for me . But in this case , I would usually burden him by making him to listen to my problems which were twice as much !
But he never complained .
We attended the same tuition with several others ; took pretty much the same subjects . Although I consider him the younger brother of mine , I have tremendous respect for him as he is a seriously , bright kid . In most situations , I kinda sorta' feared him . Intimidated , I guess .
Naturally , we would indulge ourselves by cracking jokes and just acting out plain silly . I liked it.
Apparently , he has this humour that no one else seems to be able to digest ; but I've always found whatever he says or does amusing .
Brilliant as he is , he can be rather slow socially . Thus , he paints his own backside a target for most of our friends who enjoy making fun out of him . Especially during tuition classes .
But I don't see it as a disadvantage . Never . On the contrary , I find it rather entertaining .
I'm very much sure he doesn't notice this but I've always tried my best to shield him from anyone who enjoys teasing the daylights out of him . It was hard work because I did not want to be the center of target instead . But I did so anyways . I didn't care much .
When I was ravaged by depression , he was one of the many who's worked the hardest to keep me in tact . I know deep down that poor Bert tried his very best to revert my ill condition but to no avail ;
In the end , I cruelly shrugged off every single attempt made by him to console me . He even took the time and effort and walked on foot over to my house one morning to check on me ; to see if I were doing alright . But it was already too late as I've already shielded myself from the outside world . By allowing myself to meet up with him again , it would pull me back into the dark loop of depression and this pain will start all over again .
I resisted , and resisted . All I wanted to say to him then , was that I felt extremely guilty for what I've made him go through that day , and that it pains me no less that I choose to ignore his efforts .
One hopes dearly , that he'll find it in his heart to forgive me of the things I had to do . And that life will be much easier from now onwards , as soon as he's come to accept my despicable terms .
I have no regrets whatsoever knowing Albert ; He was the best .
I think it's safe to say that I've only recently met Yee Shean . She doesn't go way back into my primary years as Albert did .
But , she does not require a ten year friendship to end up as one of the interesting of friends I've ever come to know .
Before I elaborate , keep in mind that Yee Shean is easily the most , hardworking and brilliant girls I've ever met .
She seems to know the answer to every question . And she's always one step ahead of everyone .
My admiration towards a friend can only go so far but in this case , my absolute respect for her surpasses all boundaries .
I usually sit a row behind her in tuition . But I am constantly blown away by the awesome-ness that is of her brilliant mind . In a way , I am quite terrified too .
It's as though I was sharing a same class with Google . It made no sense ! Her utter brilliance can only be shadowed by her amazing ability to crack up hilarious one liners . This made her presence in class , very much entertaining .
Our close friendship was all good . We talked , and talked using the ingenius invention of SMS . We seldom disagreed on anything . But I guess one can conclude that great minds think alike , and seldom disagrees . However , it is a concrete fact that she is way more admirable . Not to mention , brilliant !
I hate to say my goodbyes to them all ; especially Yee Shean . A friend like her comes only once in a lifetime . I guess if God willing , we will meet again , in the next .
Partially a reason why this girl remains particularly special to me is the fact that I've never come across anyone that possesses this much , unique-ness . I call her , Tze Yan .
Standing at roughly the height of a 13 year old , she stands out strong amongst the group as a young lady who perseveres through hard times and rejoices through the good . To me , one of the toughest and strongest person I've ever met . So , do not let her seemingly harmless height fool you .
Until today , I scratch my head trying to recall how we first met ; I can only blame myself for this as I practically have the memory-span of a goldfish . But I guess how we met wasn't the highlights of our friendship .
But what truly impressed me was her capability to smile and laugh no matter the condition . Ocassionally , even when we are faced with a sombre situation , she still manages to pull out this amazing smile and sometimes , a hilarious laugh . In the end , one can't help but to just smile and follow suit .
Her brilliance in her studies is also admirable as she happens to be a student in the top class of the school . She might deny this , but she is in fact one of the more brilliant friends that's ever been kind enough to grace me with her friendship .
She played her role as a vital stronghold for me during my desperate hours of need . She would always remind me to stay positive at all times . Her words of wisdom usually helps a great deal and I thank her with all my heart and soul for that .
In conclusion , I always will remember her as a symbol of strong perseverance , felicitous and suppresion of the sorrow .
Not many people on this Earth will ever have the chance to acquire these awesome traits ; Tze Yan , being one of them .
He's the man with emotion ; a friend with feel .
I'm used in calling him , J.C ( Jia Cheng ) .
J.C is also one of the few people I've come to befriend just recently ; our friendship is at least 2 years old now .
But it seems as though we've known each other for a lifetime .
I don't know what else to say when it comes to JC . But I'm sure it's relatively safe to say that we've achieved a friendship , that surpasses friendship itself . A bond of brother-hood that illuminates pass every status quo known to mankind . If I may dare to say , a bro-mance ?
But of course , none of that nonsense .
J.C fills me with a sense of authenticism . In other words , I can always count of him to be there for me at the end of the day when the cards are down .
He's tremendously genuine when it comes to sincerity . And I applaud his honorable character . Or as they say it in French , " chapeau ! "
It will be 2 months from now , that he'll probably be able to read this as he is one of the many bros of mine currently away , attending National Service .
But I want him to know that the friendship he's kind enough to offer me helped me survive this tragedy . And I am eternally grateful for everything .
I am finding it extremely hard to say my farewells to everyone , especially this guy right here . We've become such close friends within such a short period of time that it feels as though I'm passing up on a true friend . I'm feeling a tremendous loss , right about now . I surely will not be able to withstand what might be his possible reaction by the time he realizes what's going on .
But he should know this ; that I value the relationship we've had . And I'll cherish every moment we had , always .
It's a little bit funny ; this feeling inside .
That's exactly what I felt the moment I first laid eyes on her .
I couldn't determine if this was real or was I just being plain silly . But I couldn't care much ; I knew it right then that I've found myself an awesome friend .
Jasmine was cool . She's bright , an outgoing person with a hint of class , and very much a funny person . I enjoy her company . I really did . The story of how we met goes back to the years of PMR .
I had just recently joined the same tuition as she did , attending more or less the same lessons as she did . Which was a good thing . She made the dull classroom seem interesting enough .
One thing that fascinated me most about her was that she had a way of separating her studies with her crazy personality ; in other words , when it's time to be serious and get down to business , she would go into study-mode and would usually ignore anything that's non-study related . But when things start to go silly ... well . Let's just say she knows how to have fun .
She's an avid badminton player . Whenever we're free , we used to meet up somewhere to spar a few shuttles . For a lady , she does possess impressive badminton skills . Besides that , I consider her a true and worthy adversary when we dueled each other in Dynasty Warriors . Again , she has this gift , somewhat like a natural talent when it comes to console games . Not only in Dynasty Warriors , but in games like Bleach .
It's a sad thing we have to part like this .
Absolute tragedy .
He's no stranger to the Red Devils .
A football player with an awesome pair of Nike shoes , from what I recall the last time I saw him playing at the neighborhood futsal court .
He's no stranger to me either ; Edward , that is .
I knew of this boy named Edward since Form 1 . The first time I saw him in school , I took him as an intriguing fellow which very much tempted me to be friends with him . He reminds me very much of myself ; an ordinary kid , gleaming with hope and dreams as high as the sky .
My memory of life at 13 was considerably fuzzy , thus I can't remember much about then .
Being a brilliant student that he was , back in highschool , I found it really hard to mingle with him or with his group of friends as they were always two levels higher than me , study-wise .
Till only recently , I consider myself extremely lucky as I got the chance to hang out , and maybe play a couple of rounds of DOTA with Edward ; and my dreams of being , what I feel , considerably close friends with him finally realized itself ! Boy , was I on cloud nine .
A DOTA player with tremendous capabilities , he never fails to invoke a sense of humor whenever we a group of friends get together for a game or two .
The one thing I personally enjoy about Edward's company is that you will never , get bored in any situation . He somewhat , gladly accepts or embraces my weird sense of humor all the time and even plays along with my lame jokes . Then , he'll top if off with some of his lame jokes . It's like a never ending , continuous loop of inside-jokes between me and Edward that we never seem to find it boring nor do we find it old .
The one other thing that amazes me is Edward's humility . I can honestly say , right here right now , that I do not know of any other person that equals or tops the modesty that Edward has for himself . He does not go around boasting about the fact that he might be , a rich kid and it's extremely refreshing to see him with his , down-to-Earth character .
I want to press on the significance of the word , might . I fear he might get offended when he sees this .
To sum it all up ; an intelligent person , avid football player , wonderful company , a saint of humility , and an all-round great friend .
I'm grateful that he is more than kind enough to consider me , maybe a friend .
Maybe , just maybe . When things weren't looking good for him back when we were 13-14 years of age , I was there . To make him feel , not left out of the crowd . And I guess he's merely returning the favor ; And he's done a wonderful job at that .
Allow me the privilege of telling the world a short story . About a friendship that didn't seem likely to happen , but did .
About a bond that all too recently had just been made , and it felt as though it would've lasted me a lifetime . Yee Yang's , the man .
I knew of Yee Yang since the end of last year . But we weren't close . He was of a different a class than me , and that delayed the start of our friendship a bit . And at that time , whenever we came across each other , we most likely traded smiles and maybe a "hello" or two . But that was it . It never came across my brilliant mind that I would ever end up as such close friends with Yee Yang .
It's indeed a funny story . As though it was fated to be .
If I remembered correctly , we became great friends just around New Year's Eve , last year . I was happily celebrating New Year's Eve at a park with a group of friends ; it was a night to remember , truly . And after everything's been said and celebrated , the clock ticked itself into the year of 2012 .
It was already past midnight , and a small group of us were still at the park even though everyone has already made their way back to their homes . We then decided to spend the night at the very house Yee Yang spent most of his early childhood years in , as an effort to just hang out once more . Just us guys .
We spend the whole night , or should I say , morning , talking . We talked and talked like nobody's business . The topics discussed were vast ; but mostly about girls . But don't get us wrong here . There were no dirty talk whatsoever . I considered it a rather , serious discussion of how the opposite sex has either altered , or made our lives much better . Among the ones present that night was my dear friend , Albert and J.C .
And I considered that night , a gift . We shared amongst ourselves stories that some of us didn't even know about . Tales of love found and lost ; it brought us even closer . And that's the beginning of my sweet friendship between me and Yee Yang .
Ever since then , we kept in touch via Twitter , Facebook and MSN . But our brilliant companionship didn't stop there . On the contrary , we became very much close friends with several other outings , may it be a simple lunch with some friends or just hanging out at the mall .
Yee Yang has this amazing gift of appearing , otherwise . My initial opinion of Yee Yang was that he was a stuck-up and boring person . And boy , did he prove me oh so wrong .
This guy right here , is outrageously funny . An intellectual person that has various positive outlooks on life which made him a valuable acquaintance of mine during depressing times . And what makes him an even better friend to be around with , is that he never fails to make you feel equal . Which I myself found it extremely comforting especially in our current , and ever-judgemental world that materializes pretty much everything .
He was someone that appears very much genuine . And he very much was .
My current condition of life couldn't be any worse .
My only hope is that I'll be able to put them all away and let time heal this suffering .
As a devout Buddhist , I am constantly reminded by a Buddhist saying that goes something like this .
" The root of all suffering , is desire . "
And right now , I suffer all too much because of that . Thus ,
I intend to eliminate myself of all this greed and desire within me , once and for all .
To my darling trio which consists of Yee Shean , Tze Yan and Jasmine ;
don't fret too much about me . you guys of all people know that I generally will get pass through this adversity , and that everything precious inevitably comes to an end at some point .
my only regret is that I have strayed from the path by not making the efforts to salvage myself , causing all of this .
My awesome of awesome bros , Yee Yang and J.C .
The time we've spent together was priceless . Do not forget it one bit .
And please remember me for who I was . And not of what I've become .
Edward , oh Edward .
Never forget that the one golden principle that makes you unique , is that you be true to yourself .
Never alter yourself to be someone you are not ; for , this is how I've come to know and enjoy your company , and one hopes it'll stay that way .
I have come to love , respect and admire your character a whole lot ; it's a true gem .
My dear Albert .
Forgive me of all the things that I have done . My depravity apparently knows no boundaries . I truly consider what I'm doing right now a morally bankrupt act , even though it's for my own good .
God knows I cannot thank you enough for being there , all the time . For everything a real brother would have done . For when no one else bothered , you did .
But lately I just can't hold on .
